Although we are not camels (or maybe some of us are?) I know that I am not alone when I say that we are sometimes overloaded. Today was one of those days for me. If you have more than one child under age 4 then Im sure you find yourself in a way like I was today. Society views motherhood as something that should come naturally and with ease, and while it does for some it isn’t quite that simple for others. If you grew up anything like I did you would probably also find it hard to control your temper. I say that because that’s all I heard was yelling and putting down. When you grow up understimulated by adults in your life to guide you in the positive direction and overstimulated negatively by them when you head in wrong direction it pretty much turns into a walking on egg shells effect.
These tendencies become conditioned over time and before you know it you are just like your parents without even realizing how you got there. Despite promises and solemn vows that you would never grow up and turn out like them, occasionally it just slips right out of you like a hateful little fish propelled by bursts of anger. Then comes the guilt and crying and asking God why you can’t be a better parent etc etc until morning comes and the kids start their racket and not listening which brought you to the precipice of your temper yesterday. Trust me… If this is your story you are not alone.
Sometimes I just feel like a pack animal loaded down with weight and then commanded to perform tasks. While doing all that’s expected of me i have to teach the small ones DIRECTLY UNDER MY FEET what’s expected of them and make sure that they do it all the while maintaining a spotless attitude and a genuine smile. Sound like you? Sure we can do it for a little while and if need be even beyond the point of exhaustion, but once the resources and energy sources have been used up and the batteries have run down the smallest fraction of anymore stress or pressure whatsoever will cause a complete and utter breakdown.
The problem here is that people think we are sensitive because they only see this tiny thing which has influenced our behavior but the rest of the iceberg is what really caused us to weaken. Women are the worst about judging even though they experience the exact same thing on a cyclic basis they will continue to peck at a weak hen while she is down if only for the sheer pleasure in being able to do to someone else what others have done to her. Ladies, that has to stop. We are under immense pressure and have the tendency to require more mental health maintenance because our bodies are engineered that way and our stressload is very high on a constant basis. Men argue, oh yeah well we do too, the merger at work and the guys with the sports and the Dick being small bla bla bla…. No. You get fired from a job you get another one. You get fired from being a mom. . . you are forever banished from all good things in life. You screw up raising your kids because you couldn’t keep your crazy in check. Bam! Just like that the world will take your name and the image your kids have of you and throw it in the crusher. Once they are convinced by “professionals” that you sucked as a parent… That’s it you lose. There are ways to enforce without being loud and hateful.
With that being said i had a moment today which makes me ashamed of myself. And one step closer to being just like my parents. My camel’s back broke. In half. And then writhed all over the floor in misery like some junk from the Sci Fi channel. There comes a point when any person is beyond their limitations. Moms, we need breaks. We need time to ourselves and we need support. I don’t have a support network where I am right now so I don’t really have a choice except to keep it together the best i can. But for those who do, make sure you get some time away from your stressors and don’t feel guilty about it. Even camels need to take a load off.