Is it just me or do the years continue to sweep by faster and faster? I hear a lot of people say they feel the same way so I know I’m not the only one but I ponder on the same subjects every time the Christmas holiday comes around. I find myself sitting in my bed long after everyone has gone to sleep every Christmas eve writing in my journal about these things and last night I just realized that my thoughts are recurring every year.
1. Christmas is THE event of the year in America so of course with such a momentous occasion comes a bit of nostalgia and reminescing. It’s also the mark of the end of yet another year. It’s the moment every year builds up to and when it’s over we begin to prepare another year in which we wait, ultimately, for Christmas. (Not myself personally but I’m speaking in general, as a populous.)
2. As we enjoy the festivities people often travel from far away places to be with their tribes, families, clans, circles, friends etc. and this also makes the holidays a time for thinking, looking back over the years to remember how the ones before it were spent. While gathering we often catch up on the events in the lives of our loved ones. We find out who’s gotten cancer, who’s survived cancer, who’s gotten breast implants, who was killed in a car accident, who had a baby, who’s baby had a baby, who had a falling out, who got divorced, who got married etc. All these things combined with gathering with those we may not see every day brings about a sense of mortality. Sure we’re all glad to see each other so we smile and cry tears of joy and enjoy the holiday in which we are filled with anticipation, excitement, awe and gratitude but at the same time it signifies yet another year’s end when the family leaves and goes back to their respective homes with their normal daily duties and lives. It makes me wonder, how many more people are feeling a bit small in a human way after the commotion has died down.
3. The sense of routine and landmarking of Christmas continues to grow in the pouch of complacency as one gets older. Although as some of us have children we try our best to make it magical for them, I feel as though as an adult it becomes just another masquerade we are to participate in as Americans and it becomes a series of motions to go through. Buy the gifts. Wrap the gifts. Hide the gifts. Santa Claus. Open the gifts. Pick up the trash. Repeat. Every year. I can’t help but feel like this is the year itself and not just Christmas. The motions of life all leading up to a small meaningless climax year after year only to end in eventual death and what have we to show for it? I get the importance of the holiday and I enjoy the family gathering most of all, but when the year is over, when life is over, have we gone only through the most necessary motions of our human existance?
Every person will meet his year when he may not wake up from his slumber, the celebration of the holidays may not come around again, or it may just be his time to end the year and rejoin the maker. The holidays brings me the taste of our mortality. Each year passing by with the realization that the whirlwind of time is continuously and momentously circling around us sapping year after year faster and faster from our mortal bodies is biitter sweet. It’s almost cruel. These things I have lain awake at night thinking since I was about 13 and as the years go by and I pull out old journals I realize I have been thinking this and writing it every Christmas eve while everyone is asleep and waiting for the joys of Santa’s deposits in the morning, it just makes me feel so small. So very tiny on the radar of the universe. Like a dying cell in the body of the human race. Which is what we are. But who wants to think of themselves that way? Christmas brings it all out for me every year. The finality of another year gone under my belt. I can sense something changing in the world. In my life. At 25 I feel much older.
Anyway, merry Christmas to all, I do enjoy the gatherings and festivities and I’m glad that you’re reading this because it means you’re around for another year of it all. I hope all of you have many more to come, sincerely I do. Enjoy the little breath of life that fills our flesh. Breathe it well.
Thanks For Reading!