In these times of little committment there are many relationships that are not making it to the finish line. This is a sad reality on it’s own but what makes it tragic is that there are often whole families torn apart in the midst of the storm, children being forced to decide which parent they will form an allegience with, which of the two that made a home will be the new resting place.
When two human beings come together to form a completely new and seperate life, these two are no longer able to function apart from each other in the decision making of the child. They must form the left side of the parenting body and the right side. While this is the way co-parenting offers a healthy perspective for authority on behalf of a child or children, many parents that are no longer together do not operate in this way. Quite the contrary actually.
The parents of today are using children as an arsenal against the other adult in the relationship. They are swinging the child over the warzone as if he, she, or they are not an actual human with cognitive abilities but an inanimate object that causes the other torment. It becomes a war of possession over which should be granted the full control and possession of the object. For a parent to think that childrenn do not understand what’s going on is foolish and ignorant. A child can feel and sense that he or she has become leverage with which to torture both parties of the guiding entity that is assigned to protect and nurture.
Children are forced to face decisions only adults can comprehend and dealing with these stressors in an early and developmental stage causes the foundation of the child to become fractured and sometimes broken altogether. I went through it as a child and now my own child must go through it despite my efforts to have civil and benevolent relationships with his other set of parents. I am met with dishonesty, disrespect and hatred/jealousy. It doesn’t bother me that the insecurities are overflowing in the other party towards me. What hurts me to the fullest extent is that my son is in the midst of it. He learns what they teach him. Any child will learn hate if it is in the clay of their foundation. I can only imagine what he is being told and what kinds of confusions he has to deal with.
I believe that however happy a couple is to have a baby together and raise him or her in love and unity should continue regardless of relationship status. And stepparents should not encourage distance between the child and the seperated parent if they are qualified and willing to be in the child’s life. I have expressed only positive things to my child regarding the other set of parents regardless of my deep loathing of the two, and I have mandated that my son mind them to receive rewards from me. I see the hatred in adults though all the time, using a child as a grenade to incite anger and pain in one another and it baffles me how one can act without thinking of the effect on the innocent life involved. How a child is reared is how he or she will act in the future. It seems parents these days don’t care. I find this to be tragic and despite my efforts to meet more than halfway with my co-parent, he is allowing himself to be controlled by an unwilling and manipulative counterpart.
I won’t rant for days, I just want to express how vital it is for parents, together or not, to form a unit. The entity that brought a child or children into the world should be united and unfailing. Children suffer the consequences of adults on a daily basis and I suppose the reason why it hurts so much to watch and experience is because I once was in the crossfire. My parents suffered a deep hatred for one another. I felt it, and I look back now and see that the effects of my mental instability could have been apprehended by the maturity of the parties who were responsible for me. Knowing that my son is suffering this breaks me down. Please parents, if you’re fighting for custody or sharing a child, treat each other with kindness at least in front of the child. They love you both. Don’t intentionally harm something that is dear to your child or you will be the one to suffer his or her wrath later.
Thanks For Reading!